"Only God knows my heart..."
the way the children in my center behaves when I am around compared to when my colleague is around is VERY different. I am mostly the disciplinarian in the center.... most of the time... if not ALL... It's really sad to see them playing and enjoying, having fun with my colleague. but when it comes to me, they are just... SCARED.... of coz, there are times when they would play with me, like catching is their favourite game. or the occasional card games we play.... "later Aunty Amy scold" is something that I hear very often... hard to take? definitely... easy job?? definitely NOT... is it going to stop me?? NOPE...
"Train a child the way he should go and when he grows old, he will never depart from it"
I am not quoting word for word, but the gist is there for me to hold on to...
disciplining them might be the hardest thing to do to them.. the most torturous treatment... but I would explain to them why they are being punished before executing the punishment... at least, I know, on my courts.. I have done wad I can do... the balls... are theirs to take...
Some times I would think if they'd ask my colleague "Where is Aunty Amy ?? WHy she never come today??" when I am not around.... just like how they'd ask me if my colleague was absent from work... I sure do wish they will ask...
that day when I went off to see a doc to check up my leg, they must be wondering where I'd hv gone to...
the next day I got back to work, and this girl came and ask me.. "AUnty Amy, ur leg still painful??" *INSTANT HEARTMELT MORE INSTANT THAN INSTANT NOODLES..* AWWWW....!
Yes... truth is... the negative things are always very difficult to swallow... the negative things at work seems so prominently appearing in the things I see... the negative things that encourages me to give up... but God gave us all a CHOICE... and I choose to stop looking at these negative things and shift my focus to God alone...
if my connection with Him fails... everything else fails... even if I try to NOT look at the negative things... I still would becoz... my connection fail...
when my connection is in place... by God's grace... the things that I look at seems different... makes it more hopeful... makes it more cheerful... makes it all so brighter....
the tooth that I plucked out tells me that I was part of the child's first few tooth that dropped out and Aunty Amy was the one who helped her with it... the first time she got 10/10 for her spelling when previously she struggle to even write the letter "S"... the times when he successfully came back, lunch-ed, shower-ed, within the time frame that we gave him... the smiles that I see when they gave me the lil letters wit the hearts on it... the times when the were so proud about someting good that they hv done and they know that Aunty Amy will be so proud of them... the times when I held his hand and walked with him to the dentist but he kept saying he's scared... the times when I dress their wounds when they fell during games time... the drawings that I find presented to me with red coloured hearts... the cards I get with self made envelopes... the politeness I get to see them asking me for a favour with a "please"... the ability to fold his own sleeping bag... the ability to learn spelling on her own...
They are the good and positive things that I choose to look at...
David mentioned God 9 times while he only mentioned Goliath 2 times...
they might not be times that make me laugh... but they are times that I know... that as long as I teach them the right way to go... I have done my best and done my part... they can choose to not listen and follow... they can choose to hate me and ask why is Aunty Amy so cruel to them and dont care abt them and say that I punish them all the time... But I pray that somehow.. someday... somewhere... they will still knw.. that when they were young... there is this Aunty Amy, though fierce, have thought them some life skills that stuck with them through the years... and that Aunty Amy actually cared so much about them, that she tried her best to teach them the way they should go...
I am going to fast my night internet time for the whole of next week... It's taking too much of my time lately and I wanna do some things that are more productive! hahaha like spending time with Big Daddy =)
hotcocoa