I have a very unusual and bad habit... I dont top up my gas tank like how my mum does. she would pay the gas station a visit very time the meter goes slightly below the half way mark.
I, on the other hand, would always wonder why bother when it is STILL half a tank FULL... wad a positive thinking. the tank is HALF FULL and not HALF EMPTY. maybe that explains her negative attitude towards everything.
so... this post isnt abt my mum having a HALF EMPTY attitude.. it about my bad habit.. rite? right...
I would give the car (and maybe myself) a REAL test of faith. tok about not worrying even when the light is lit, shouting at me that "I AM RUNNING ON LOW GAS!!!" Well... I dun seem to care... I am sure it will still get me to work, and to church, and then back home, and then back to work the next morning and then MAYBE to the gas station, if I even remb to go to the gas station that is. if not, then maybe it will the next day.
So what's so bad about having so much faith in the lit warning light? well, I guess it's nothing so bad about when u are toking abt having faith.
it's a bad habit for me becos I would fill it up to the full everytime I visit the gas station and probably let it run dry until the next time I visit the gas station again. not many people know, however, the fuel consumption is more when u are running only on a less than half full tank. ur gas runs out much faster than when u are ABOVE the half way mark.
my habit is that I will only go to the gas station when I REALLY AM IN NEED TO... when I really know for sure, it is not going to take me any much further than my eyesight could see. I failed to fill up my tank every now and then even when it is not necessary to... I often end up running to the gas station really dried up like a dried prune... I think I am super woman? maybe... I think I hav a super Gas station? maybe... I think
I feel like a car that has to be driven from the airport to wild wild wet and then to woodlands and then to sentosa and then to Jurong birdpark and then to east coast park and then to orchard road and then to seletar reservoir and then to the zoo and then back to the airport all in one day with one full gas tank. However, along the way, I will have to stop at a gas station and fill it up so that I wont risk running on a low gas tank. visiting the toilet would also contribute a good break for the car to at least stop and breathe....
and toilet is the most wonderful place. whoever invented the bathroom and the shower deserves a clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap =)
I think I have to re-do my essay... but at least I got the new outline from my 20 min shower! hahaha maybe I should just take one more day leave and spend my whole day in the shower doing my assignment.... coolios.... O.o hehehehehe
I broke down yesterday... I think I am just silly-ly stupid... and overly crazy over you... I gave and I gave and I gave and I gave.... and I gave...
last week... it was...
tiredness.school holidays.not enough sleep=grouchy
but guess wad?!?! School holidays are over!! like YAY!!
YAY!! Ps Bea said YES!!!
on sat I went over to Trinity Christian Center's Easter production's rehearsal. like coolness!!
They are putting up a illustrated sermon this Easter and I got to see so many things!! and there are so many people in each team. the drama team, the band, the props team, the video team, the choir, the soloists. COOLNESS CAN!! I jolted down and as many things as I can and Ps Bea was sharing alot of stuff with me. I am going again tonite to see their tech run. MAN... AWESOME!! but I wished that I could hv been involved since the start of the planning stage... that will be WAAAAY coolness!!
I have been bugging PaulDavid about this and I am glad I thickened my skin and continued to bug him ever so often til he gave me an answer!! hahaha =)
I am meeting Ps Glen this saturday and I think I better go type out my script... I am scared!! but well... this HAS to happen... might as well do it soon...
I had a dream... I dreamt that I finally threw in the towel... I finally did...
this morning on my way to work... I was thinking should I just throw in the towel... should I just do it anyway... then I asked myself this question... am I going to be at peace if I throw in the towel... knowing myself.. i'd probably ask myself what will happen if I DIDNT throw in the towel... well... like how I shared with Adele... God should be in the center of the whole picture...
its sad isnt it....? we say that God... we want to do this this and that that for You... we get so caught up doing so many things for Him, we forgot who He really is... we forgot how He should always be the center of our everything.... we are so caught up with the DOING, we forgot the BEING....
I got a full bag of nuts... and let me tell u about those nuts...
THEY.... THOSE NUTS.... They are hard to crack... NEVER within my ability to crack them...
I tried... with a normal nutcracker... didnt work...
I tried with a hammer... didnt work....
I tried soaking them with water... didnt work...
I tried waiting for them to hatch... didnt work...
then I began to doubt my own ability... maybe I just cant crack nuts... other people seem to have it all together... they look just fine... the bag of nuts they have... too easy to crack... MINE? *shrugs* Issit me? issit the nut cracker?? or it is just those nuts....
then.....
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I realised.... that the best nutcracker in the world is ..........
JESUS
Under the shelter of Your wings
Under the shelter of Your wings
I hide myself safe in Your arms
Your grace will be my covering
Under the shadow of Your wings
Under the shadow of Your wings
I'll live my life, to You I'll align
Your grace will be my covering
was greatly blessed that morning.
havent felt like that in a longest time.....
I wanna go back there again.
for many many times..........
I finally told someone else other than sash all that's frustrating me... my struggles... my difficulties.... I fell apart and cried infront of him... He followed on to say a whole lot of things that really got me thinking... thinking and thinking really hard...
His voice said... "how much do you want this?"
following stuffs that happened after that talk got me thinking even harder...
When it happened, it was like.... *ouCH*
When I found out about it, it was like.... *oUcH...*
When I heard it, it was like..... *OuCH.....*
OucH oUCh oUcH...!!!
I keep telling myself I will do wad God wand me to do... I will do what God wans me to do.... but it's still extremely hard.... Darn....
I am still thinking... maybe I should stop thinking and start praying more...
I was being put in a situation where I had no choice but to talk to max... felt really awkward to be left in that situation but I decided to asked God for something to talk about and He gave me a question to start it off. I asked the exact question that He gave me... and I had the best conversation I ever had in a long time. I saw how Max opened up to me and how I was able to talk to him so easily... I thank God for putting me in a situation like tt and He showed me how amazing a simple question can turn to the most meaningful conversation I ever had... in some time. I stand amazed at the work of His hands...
I was alittle down... But I knew (with increase pulse) that this is the right time to ask that question that I have been wanting to ask. Just the two of us. I have been waiting for the right opportunity. and there I was... at the perfect opportunity... But I told myself.. I cant... I am alittle down... how much a blessing can I be when I am alittle down... He reminded me of how I shouldnt stop being a blessing even when I am down... I shift how I am feeling aside and pop that question. the conversation just went on... I dunno how much I have impacted or be a blessing... but I did wat I could. I sow a seed... and I can only leave everything in God's hands because only He can make the seed grow. my job is to just plant the seed... I felt good at the end... I had the most meaningful conversation yet again... I stand amazed at the work of Your hands
no doubt... I am still hurting... *curls up in my corner in Big daddy's arms*
hotcocoa