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Thursday, December 13, 2007
*__sIlLyGiRl] posted at 9:29 AM

Okie... I am really trying to understand... maybe I see the different view... alright... that's ... okie... I guess...

So now I dun even know whether I should even say hi... 

Or occasionally find you during lunch... 

Or smile at you...

Or hav a small chat with you after service...

Or say Hi to ur mum...

Or be myself when u are around...

I am keeping a distant... 

Okie... so now... you get all the time to tok to other people... becoz we dont want other people to get the wrong idea... so... I leave u alone... you get to have fun, tok, be yourself in front of everyone else, sit with people u want to... ALL except for me... 

What was wrong with before...? Now... I am letting myself stay away from u... like seriously away....

you get to do everything that u have to do, everything that you need to do... then when I finally can get the time at the end of the day to just stop u for a moment and wanted to discuss some stuff with u... abt ministry... all I get is a "I've got to rush off..." Dont I get just 5 mins...? just 5?? 5 mins to say that Why not we tok on the phone ltr...?? rather than a... I've really gotta go....??

Or is it that we cant even tok on the phone right now...??

What about all the tok that we are still cool with each other? so... why cant we do things like normal friends do? just becoz we are afraid that other people might think otherwise? People that we toked too might think that oohh.. maybe they are not serious about what they say about breaking up... thats why they are still toking to one another... didnt we explain that we are still cool with each other...? so what now...? 

You said as if we were done toking that nite... it was just a brainstorming-cum-saying thoughts out time... I only took down some vague mental notes... I was still trying to get u see how I am seeing my idea and you were just getting to see where I am coming from... so... to you, that was FINISHED? Jesus needa go up on a cross to say "It is finished" and you think a small tok and some thinking out loud ideas is considered finished? If that is the quality of work you want to put in it... then expect that kind of quality of work to be presented... And if that's the kind of quality that you are looking for... then sorry, I am not interested... dun expect a miracle to happen just by that 15 mins of tok... 

I need ideas to help them tok abt what you have in mind to get them to share abt... it is not as simple as u think... I needa brainstorm exactly what needs to be said, help and guide them along... not just throw me an idea with vague details and expect me to get it done... and expect it to end of with a BANG... I am not a miracle machine generator. I need people to work alongside with me... If I am doing something for God... I wanna give my best... everything that I can offer...